On A Submissive’s First Step.
My blog attracts strong, beautiful woman who are confident and in control in their daily lives. Yet, many are novices in D/s who have yearned for the opportunity to let it all go and fall into submission under the hand of an equally strong, confident Dominant. Their secret desire is to submit, unconditionally, to one man - and to be freed in their submission to him.
Ironically, while these women are strong achievers in every facet of their lives, they wonder if they will be good enough, pleasing enough, etc. once they make their fantasies a reality. Ironically - the one delight they have secretly craved for so long is the very thing that makes them question their abilities.
To this, I say…
A journey begins with one step.
Your natural instincts are already in place. You did not question yourself when you decided to seek a strong Dominant to take you forward. You knew - deep inside. This is not a casual encounter - you are not looking for a mere kink player to bed you.
This is real - something you have craved for far too long. You hunger for a man who will put you in your place and take you properly. You need to know there is no wiggle room - your full submission is the core expectation. Any challenge on your part will seem foolish and will only serve to embarrass you - because your Dominant will know your needs better than you.
A sensual Dominant does not engage randomly. He knows what can complete him - and he has most likely been looking for a girl like you for some time. If he has taken you under his hand - he has done so with a sense of purpose. He will be both sincere and focused on the evolution of your relationship, and he will have great hope for you. Time will tell if you are aligned and feel the chemistry evolve into the kind of craving that makes you beg.
A sensual Dominant will teach you about a submissive’s hunger. Most people in the BDSM chatter flow talk about a Dominant’s hunger and the need for a girl to learn how to be passive and please. Dominants like me believe the best submissives develop a true HUNGER to please AND to be taken - ravished - used completely for pleasure - under a strong Dominant. Be mindful of this as your explorations evolve. You will feel this dynamic - and you will welcome the change in yourself.
Make sure you know and embrace your Dominant’s core philosophy before stepping forward. It should resonate with you and feel natural.
Many Dominants believe in breaking a girl down, humbling her, taking away her individuality and spirit, and humiliating her - forcing her down - to be nothing. Once broken, they will then build a girl up in their image of the perfect submissive and keep her under hand - never allowing her more than obedience, devotion, service, and respect.
Dominants like myself have an entirely different view of a submissive’s journey. We believe our role is to discover a girl’s erotic center - her essence as a sensual, feeling person. We task ourselves with knowing a girl inside and out - her roots, her values, past experiences, fantasies, and wants, needs, fears, hopes, hungers, and desires.
Once a sensual Dominant truly knows his girl - he will bring her forth on a journey of enlightenment and discovery - via teaching, physical training, experiences, challenges, and predicament play. This allows each girl to follow the unique path she needs to grow, evolve, and thrive as an aware submissive.
A strong Dominant will teach you humility as his submissive. And you will find bliss in the process. You will soon crave when he commands you to strip, kneel, and please him - willfully - and hungrily. This will be like centering for you - coming home to your place of joy. You will experience a catharsis each and every time you are with your Dominant - and it will be like no other sensation in your life.
A strong Dominant will not demand your respect. He will not beat it out of you. Anything derived in this fashion is worthless as an inspirational motivation. The Dominant who takes a strong submissive forward believes it is far better to teach and inspire. This is central to his beliefs.
If you find the right Dominant to step forward with - you will feel yourself eager to engage with him on any topic. He will earn your admiration and respect by being who he is - nothing more, nothing less. And he will get your very best by inspiring you to BE your very best under his hand.
You most likely have high expectations of yourself. And you may stumble. IF your Dominant needs to correct your behavior or remind you of his wishes, the harshest discipline for you will be to know you have disappointed him. He will feel this in you, and it will become part of your motivation. Think about this if you are a novice - you will feel this kind of powerful connection with a true, experienced Dominant.
If you are taking your first step - the change in you has already begun. You most likely feel alive and young - and each conversation with your Dominant is like a breath of fresh air. You are constantly aroused in his presence, and a simple task from him can make your day complete.
So - take that first step. The first of many. And as you do - make sure to relax, breathe, and fall into your Dominant. Bring the qualities that make you amazing in your vanilla existence to your efforts as a submissive - but do not force it. Follow your natural instincts - your hungers and your true cravings. When you do - you will begin your dance on the fringe of darkness.
Caption © Fringe of Darkness, 2012
Image - property of photographer